Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize
