I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
