So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
i think i just lost a toe
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