you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
