You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
