he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
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