my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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