my mouth tastes like poor choices
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
