If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
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