What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I'm too high and old for this...
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Randomize
