Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Randomize
