No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
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