We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
