I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
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