Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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