I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
