Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
