If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
