i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I am midnight drunk by noon
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
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