Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
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