Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I don't want my vagina anymore.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Randomize
