This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
