Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
