I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
