no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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