real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
I'm pants shitting drunk right now
$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
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