You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
