Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Enjoy the penises
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
