I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
