his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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