very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Randomize
