I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Randomize
