Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
as a side note pls kill me
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
