I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
