nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
