I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
