Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
FUCK WHALES
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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