hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Randomize
