Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
