Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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