Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
