I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I supernannyed him into submission
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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