I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Randomize
