You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
