We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
