the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
