Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
