I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
i wish my penis had a tongue
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Randomize
