Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
