Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
This is the prime rib incident all over again
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
